he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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