an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
