I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
