Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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