Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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