It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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