I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You're like the curious george of whores
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
