well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
