guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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