He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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