Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
