ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
