ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
