What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
