I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize