well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so much tequila, so little girl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
