Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
