I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize