she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
