haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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