I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
