Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
