high people should be assigned attendants
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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