her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize