I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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