actually, I'm a sock model
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
