He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
