I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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