We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize