I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
