she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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