the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
