You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
