She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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