that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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