porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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