Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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