Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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