stop calling my apartment porn island.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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