I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
