Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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