I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
