Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize