apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
