Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
