dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
