Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
