hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
honey bunches of taint.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
