1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
