I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
