how can u be prego again
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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