Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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