pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
