I can text with my tongue
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
