It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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