when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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