I wanna passion pit in your ass
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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