Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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