I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
