Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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