Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
