Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
