It's Friday. Sex?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize