I wish I could teleport
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
