booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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