Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This house was built for laser tag.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your cock deserves a montage
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
