Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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