Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
