I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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