Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
