I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
