I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
