That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
