Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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