I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
