The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
