I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
