Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
