dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
