I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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