Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
