I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
