So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are the jesus of drinking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
